Insomniac Music Theater: Walk

To keep alive a moment at a time
But still inside a whisper to a riot

I’ll admit, I’m going to take lyrics I want out of a song, whether it matches the context of the song or not. I do what I want.

Six years ago when I started working for this company, never would I have imagined how much I leaned back against it when other things in life weren’t up to par. It’s rare that anyone tells you they enjoy their job, or even just that it doesn’t drive them crazy. I fall somewhere in the middle usually. At least in the past. For about 4 years, it was smooth sailing. Outside of a few minor issues with coworkers we dealt with, things went about as good as possible for a normal 8-5 job. (If you can call IT normal, but that’s neither here nor there)

There were times where things were stressful, but generally if you did what you were supposed to, things worked out, and everyone was generally willing to help. I won’t go into all the details, but that stuff started going away over the past year and a half, and now we’re getting to the point where it has become just another job. Concerns have been brought up, only to fall on mostly deaf ears. Really, who am I to tell someone how to run a company.

I feel like since things began deteriorating at work, the rest of my life has slowly crawled along with it. Though to be fair, work was just providing the constant on a day to day basis, the other stuff is on my end. With work being a constant, I didn’t look for that stability in family, friends, health, dating, etc.

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Jesus Christ, get on with it. To sum it up, work has been miserable the past year, and I’ve begun to realized that I’ve let a lot of other aspects of my life fell by the wayside over the past five years. I’d just ignored it by burying my head in my work. I’m trying to change that up, and actually making it out to things on a more regular basis. Hanging out with family, old friends, new friends. Focusing less on the negative stuff at work, letting that sort itself out however it does in the near future, and taking care of what I need to. Putting plans of action together for future goals. Trying to discuss those goals with others so I don’t just mentally move the goalposts down the line if things don’t work out.

Failing is fine, but it needs to be acknowledged, not just pushed aside and ignored. I’ve failed to keep my life balanced. I’ve briefly discussed it with a couple of friends, though just some of the individual issues, not the overall cloud of psychological dust revolving around me like Pig-Pen. By that same token, I also tend to suppress any good news or praise that comes in my direction. Not only is it self-deprecating, but eventually, those telling you these things are likely to get fed up with it and stop.

So, I have a few plans of action on changing up how I look at the world, and life in general, and hopefully it’ll make things start to click again. Restarting this thing was certainly part of the plan, so I’ll continue on with it as best I can. Whether all of them will be published or not is another question, but so long as I can come back to them in 5 years, they will serve their purpose.

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