Are You Still Watching? – Purpose

It is purpose that created us, purpose that connects us, purpose that pulls us, that guides us, that drives us; it is purpose that defines, purpose that binds us. We are here because of you, Mr. Anderson. We’re here to take from you what you tried to take from us… Purpose!

Ironically, this blog post has no purpose except to give myself a starting point to write. I really love this scene from The Matrix Reloaded and wanted to use it to give myself an alternative to having to find a song lyric.

Every good villain has a great monologue, and Hugo Weaving as Agent Smith is a walking talking monologue in this series. While you can enjoy The Matrix as a standalone movie, there’s enough good in the two sequels that I eventually end up watching all 3.

What’s my purpose? I can’t say that I’ve figured it out yet in my 33+ years so far. I am sure there’s one out there for me, but I don’t feel like I’ve come across it yet. Life has become as basic as conceivably possible. Work, home, work, home, and the occasional sporting event or friend gathering.

Well I guess this is growing up.

Dammit, I should have made this an Insomniac post. I found the lyric there paragraphs in.

Adulting sure sucks the life out of a lot of things, and I don’t think I’ve pushed myself enough to get enjoyment out of the few cool adult things. I was lucky that for nearly 5 years, my job was the least stressful thing about my life, so everything else seemed easy to deal with, and I was able to make some personal progress.

In the last year or so, all that had flipped on its head, and I don’t think I’ve dealt with it very well at work nor outside of work. I find myself complaining about it any time anyone even brings up the topic, and I’m sure people are quickly tiring of it. If I have and you’re reading this… I’ll try to talk more about Yanny and Laurel and Infinity War from now on.

There are some things outside of work I’ve started but decided to put on hold until I can get myself together. It’s impossible to try to build on something when the foundation is cracked and torn. (Whoa-oh!)

All the songs come to me when I’m not looking for them.

I’ve certainly made my way out to way more events, and try to better the parts of my days that I can control. Mentally things seem to be improving. Physically, still just a sack of potatoes here, just gotta start. Just sheer laziness that’s prevented me, so I just need to do something. Now.

I’ve done a lot of self evaluation, and one thing that’s popped up over and over is personality, or seemingly lack thereof. Maybe I had one before, but I feel like now I’m just a series of “the ____ guy.” Nic Cage, traveling, IT, trivia, Arrested Development, and so on. Realistically, I bore myself. Generally when I get to the point where I’ve realized that, I end up shutting down on Twitter for a few days and see if I can reset myself and get back to being able to talk about something interesting.

By that same compartmentalizing token, I think I may do the same to other people. If I know something about you, I’m pretty certain to talk about those few things because I am terrible at being a normal human who can communicate with people. I really don’t know where to start improving on this skill that I assume people develop in their teens, so I’m only about 2 decades behind. Really the only thing to do is to just talk to people despite how terrifying it may seem.

Purpose. I think I know where my purpose lives. But my GPS is not working and I don’t have good directions to get there. Though I think I know how to get those things on the right track to eventually get there. It just takes some time (stop with the lyrics Migs), but I’m generally late to everything these days, so as long as I can make it there eventually, everything will be alright (alright.)

This scene fits this post some how right? Even if it doesn’t, Hugo Weaving trumps what you think.

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